True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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