the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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