Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
