Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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