Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
