I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he was CRYING into my vagina
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
