i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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