don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
