I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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