How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
