Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
