he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
