I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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