Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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