Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
