I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
