I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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