My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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