So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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