I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
