Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
