Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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