We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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