i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
No subtext here. People are naked.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
