Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
