I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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