Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
