No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
