dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
