whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
