dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
