so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
A+ Viking dick
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