Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
not ubering you a puppy
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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