dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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