Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize