we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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