i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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