I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
