If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
