Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
