3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
