mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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