Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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