My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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