just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize