is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
