i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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