I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
