hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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