Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
