she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
