Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
