My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
