Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
