We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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