K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize