this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I've blown a few things in my day
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
