I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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