The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
