just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
