When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
