glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
