no, he came in my armpit
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
