Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
