I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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