i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
