it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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